Confessions of a Brother
by Appl3sauce
Summary: When Elladan gets a girlfriend, Elrohir feels jealous. . . Or is his jealousy a mask to cover a dark memory of his past?


Confessions of a Brother

Disclaimer: I do not own Elladan or Elrohir Halfelven, but I love them just the same. However, I do own Ranaë Laiquendi and Lilim Vanyar.

Elrohir sat silently in the library, his eyes fixed on the third paragraph of a large book. His mind however, kept drifting off and he would find his eyes wandering toward the window facing the courtyard. . . Where he could see Elladan and Ranaë. He watched as his brother picked a large flower from a nearby tree, and after twirling it around in his fingers, placed it delicately behind Ranaë's ear.   
Elrohir shook his head and turned back to his book, his hands shaking. _Ranaë_. . . It was because of _her_ that he and Elladan were not running around Imladris, playing pranks on anyone that crossed their point of vision! It was because of_ her_ that Elrohir now spent more time alone! It was because of _her_-

He snapped the book shut. He had thought about this before, and reading one line in a book over and over again wasn't making him feel any better about the situation even though he knew that it really wasn't Ranaë's fault. Elladan had finally managed to get a girl, and Elrohir should have celebrated with him, but he chose instead to walk away on his brother and his girlfriend to delve on the harsh memories of the past. A part of him knew it was his own fault that he was so cranky and constantly barricaded in his room, but another part of him didn't want to admit it. He sighed and went up to the room he and Elladan shared, and locking the door behind him, he jumped into his bed and wrapped himself in a blanket.

__

Why am I feeling like this!? He thought as he glared up at the ceiling. _It's not that I'm jealous or anything. . . It's good that he finally found a girl. . . And it's not like I'm interested in finding someone anytime soon. . ._ Maybe he was just worried about Elladan. _Yeah, right. . . As if I didn't know he can take care of himself, he scoffed and rolled over in bed._ He dozed off a couple of minutes later.

__

Two strong hands were applying pressure to his shoulders, forcing him on his knees. His hands were tied behind his back. Another pair of hands were gripping his head tightly, forcing him to look at the grotesque scene in front of him: Orcs, about eight of them, were torturing a beautiful elf maiden as another dozen or so that surrounded them jeered and roared with excitement. He watched helplessly as they kicked her repeatedly, traced patterns on her pale skin with their nails and daggers. He screamed, but they didn't stop. Someone freed his hands and pulled him up on his feet. He was handed a bow and a thick, black arrow. Then a voice croaked in his ear:

__

"Kill her."

__

He was trembling from head to foot. He couldn't do it; he'd never do it! Her frail body stirred, and she looked at him, her face scratched and bleeding, her blue eyes full of tears.

__

"Kill her! Kill her!" They began to chant in their horrid tongue. "No!" Elrohir cried, over and over again. He threw the bow and arrow at the orcs and sank down on his knees as the orcs began to roar. Then he felt delicate fingers grasp his hand, and looking up, he saw that she was holding his hands, trying to wipe the tears away from his eyes. "I love you, Ro. . ." she whispered. They held on to each other for a minute, then he saw one of the orcs step forward, a long dagger in his hand. . .

Elrohir's eyes snapped open. He sat up in his bed and shivered slightly when he felt something cold trickle down his back. It took him a moment to notice he was drenched in cold sweat, so that his tunic actually stuck to his back.  
_This is going to drive me crazy someday soon. . ._ He thought, as he wrapped the covers tight around his shoulders. He knew he had to tell someone, but nobody would understand. . . they'd probably laugh at him. . .  
He jumped when the door swung open. A moment later, Elladan walked in, a candle in one hand, which he used to light the other candles in the room.

"How- how'd you get in?" Elrohir stammered, "I locked the door."

"I know you did, "Elladan answered, "I picked the lock.". He winked at his brother, who muttered "Oh" suddenly feeling very stupid. An awkward silence followed as Elladan changed to get into bed. Elrohir kept his eyes on the rug, thinking back to his dream, shivering occasionally.

"Ro, are you ok?" Elrohir looked up, and saw his brother was surveying him, concern in his face. Elrohir nodded without response.

"Are you sure?" Elladan insisted, "You look horrible."  
"Gee, thanks a lot, Dan." Elrohir muttered sourly. When he saw Elladan was still staring at him, he snapped, "_I'm fine!_ I'm just tired."

Elladan sighed, and pulling up a stool, he sat next to Elrohir's bed. "You already used that excuse." He said. Elrohir looked up, puzzled. His twin looked at him sadly and explained, "You said you were tired yesterday. And the day before, you said you have a headache. And the day before _that_-"

"Alright, alright! I get the idea." Elrohir cut in. "So maybe I pushed it with the headache one."

"Just a teensy bit. You know Elves don't get headaches, right?"

"It slipped my mind." Elrohir glared at his brother. "So what do you want me to say this time?"

Elladan looked at his brother, all trace of his usual grin gone, and with a pleading tone in his voice, he said, "I'd like you to tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me." Elrohir grunted, turning away from his twin. He'd kept everything from him and the rest of the world so far. . . Why not keep it for the rest of eternity, then?

"Don't you trust me anymore?" Elrohir was surprised to hear the hurt in his brother's voice. He looked at Elladan and said, "It's not that I don't trust you; it's just. . . You wouldn't understand." He finished hastily.

"Try me." Elladan insisted. "We've been through everything together. I'd understand."  
"No." Elrohir said. When Elladan gave him a puzzled look, Elrohir added, " We haven't been through everything together."

He sighed. So maybe he was going to tell someone. . .

"Dan. . ."Elrohir paused. "I-I don't know how to begin. . ." Elladan didn't say anything; he had a bad feeling this conversation wasn't going to be cheerful.

Elrohir sighed again, and said "Dan, I've been keeping something from you for a long time. . .I haven't told anyone about it, because every time I think about it, it hurts. . . And I'm scared it'll hurt more if I tell someone. . ."

"The longer you keep something inside, the more it hurts you. . ." Elladan whispered.   
Elrohir nodded, but was silent for a while._ Why is this so hard?_ he thought, _I've faced hordes of orcs and wargs- heck, even worse things- with just a bow and arrows. . . This should be a cinch compared to anything like that!_ But even after his pep talk, he still felt as if he was looking down a deep precipice he was going to jump into.

He felt his twin reach out for his hand and grip it tightly. Elladan smiled encouragingly at his brother and whispered, " Just get it over with; I know it's hard, but you'll feel much better afterwards."

Elladan watched Elrohir curl his legs against his chest, and waited patiently until Elrohir whispered, " I hardly doubt you knew her. . . You were patrolling the borders at the time I met her. . . Did I ever mention Lilim Vanyar to you?"

Elladan paused to think. "You mentioned her once or twice in the letters you wrote to me." He said slowly.

Elrohir's voice trembled as he asked, " I never told you that we were a couple, did I?" This was all news to Elladan. He hadn't thought his brother had been with a lady before. . . All this time, Elladan had been under the impression that Elohir hated dating and anything remotely related to it. Then he asked, "What do you mean, _'used to'_?"

Elrohir grimaced "We'd been together for a year now, and we were about to tell everyone else we were a couple when we went on a picnic."

"What happened? Did she turn you down?" Elladan asked. His brother, however, shook his head. "That would have been easy to get over." Elrohir whispered. "It was worse; way worse."

Elladan felt as if his brain had gone numb when he heard Elrohir say "We got attacked by orcs." Elrohir heard his brother breathe in sharply and he felt his eyes begin to fill with tears as he continued, "About twenty of them. We had no means of fighting back or escaping." Tears were now pouring silently down his face, but he felt that now that he had started, he couldn't stop; he had to finish his story. He ran a shaking hand through his dark hair and sighed, "Lilim gave up her life so they would set me free. She told them that as long as they didn't harm me, they could do anything they wanted with her." He paused; the dream he had awoken from came back into his mind, and he whimpered, "And they did. It's the only time I've ever heard of orcs keeping their word. They didn't put a scratch on me. . . But they still managed to make me suffer."

And Elrohir proceeded to tell his brother how a pair of orcs had forced him to his knees, and made him watch as Lilim was kicked, abused, as they cut patterns into her skin. . . How they had tried to make him kill her. . .

"But I couldn't do it!" Elrohir sobbed, rocking slowly back and forth. "I couldn't get her out of her misery. . . And she died in my arms. . . The last thing she ever said to me was 'I love you, Ro', and then they killed her. They left afterwards, as if nothing had happened, and- I had to bury her. . ."

He broke down, his body shaking uncontrollably, as he buried his face against his legs, and he cried; cried like he hadn't done since he was a youth. But even though he felt miserable, he felt something like a heavy weight lift off his heart, and as he closed his eyes, he could have sworn he had seem Lilim. . . He could feel her stroking his head, and see her bright smile. . . As if she was assuring him everything was going to be alright now.

Elladan clambered into the bed next to his brother, and pulled him into a tight embrace. Tears welled up in his eyes as he felt Elrohir wrap his arms around him, and he couldn't help but wonder at how Elrohir had managed to keep such things inside of him for so long. . . _Heck, if it had been me, I would've cracked ages ago. . ._ He thought.

Both brothers drifted off to sleep, still holding on to each other. The next morning after breakfast, Elladan wrapped his arm around Ranaë's waist and led her once again to the courtyard, where, leaning against the bark of a large oak tree, was Elrohir. " Ro," Elladan said, indicating Ranaë, "I'd like you to meet the love of my life, Ranaë Laiquendi; Naë, allow me to introduce you to my dearest brother-"

"I'm your _only_ brother" Elrohir cut in.

"Oh, right. . . Elladan laughed. "Well, anyway, Naë, this is my beloved brother, Elrohir Halfelven; my companion in every exploit, and my trusty sidekick."

"Oh stop it, Dan, you're making me blush." Elrohir mocked, then bowed low, and kissed Ranaë's hand. She giggled.

This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

End


End file.
